dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
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