I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
