The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
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