Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
