You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize