she is the kim kardashian of front butts
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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