I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Randomize
