My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
