I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
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