the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
