when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Randomize
