Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Randomize
