Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
