i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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