i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
