I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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