idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
