I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
