I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
