quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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