Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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