I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
i came on her dog
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
