I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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