He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
And then my night got REAL pukey
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
