did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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