what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
