If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
