Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
