my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
