I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
