I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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