He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
