my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
