I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
