its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
We need to get me chipped asap
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
