I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
