so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
