dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
