How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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