and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
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