I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
