my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
