You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Randomize
