For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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