Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
