omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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