MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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