Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
My feet surprised me
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