Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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