how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
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