I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
