I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
