i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
