I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
