They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
