yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize