He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
