She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
