he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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