fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize