tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
