i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
