I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
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