i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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