12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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