soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
