It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
