absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Just high enough for therapy.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
