Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
