ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
