eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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