why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
