Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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