My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
