I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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